i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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