You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
