So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
