If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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