for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
tell me about the eggs
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
