I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
