thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
