Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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