but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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