I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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