I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
