is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
