can u get pink eye on your cock?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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