Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
