is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
