question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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