I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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