Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
