Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(207): View more from Maine

i will never coherently bang her

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.

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(917): View more from New York City

i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.

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(713): View more from Texas

Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again

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(773): View more from Illinois

I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.

(847): View more from Illinois

i think the last part kind of negates the first part there

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(843): View more from South Carolina

So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff

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(514): View more from Quebec

we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.

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(719): View more from Colorado

Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.

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