Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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