You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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