i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
