i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
