FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
