Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
