i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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