Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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