you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
