Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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