Kiss
Puke
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
