I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
