stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
