yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
