I never want to see another naked old woman again.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize