I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
