hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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