I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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