We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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