I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
