My friends, they love my intelligence
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
