put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
this will be a night to untag.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
