Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
