Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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