I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
