Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
