she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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