smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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