Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
