My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
