I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
