a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
