hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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