ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
