I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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