"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
