you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
