If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
