I can't watch pbs sober anymore
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
