is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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