I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
