Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
