just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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