dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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